RECLAIMING YOURSELF IN MOTHERHOOD: WHY DISAPPEARING WAS NEVER THE ASSIGNMENT
Somewhere along the line, women were told that motherhood and selfhood could not exist in the same room.
That the price of being a good mother was erasing the woman inside her.
That love meant self-sacrifice.
That presence meant disappearing.
I do not know who that storyline served.
But it was not us.
Reclaiming yourself in motherhood is not rebellion.
It is repair.
It is remembering what was true before the world told you otherwise.
The Cost of Disappearing
The price of disappearing is not theoretical.
It is physical.
It is emotional.
It is generational.
When a mother disappears, the entire family loses something.
A home without a mother’s aliveness is a home without a center of gravity.
But the world praises us for it.
You are such a good mom.
You do everything.
You never complain.
We learn to skip our needs.
We learn to pretend that exhaustion is normal and devotion means depletion.
This is not love.
This is conditioning.
One Story That Changed Everything
There was a moment in my own journey that snapped something awake in me.
I was standing in my bedroom holding a pair of underwear with holes in the elastic.
A basic thing. Something I wore every day. Something I needed.
And I remember thinking to myself, these will do. I do not need new ones.
It was not about money.
It was about belief.
Somewhere along the line, I had decided that even the smallest comforts were not meant for me.
That is how disappearing happens.
Not in one dramatic moment.
In tiny, quiet decisions where you convince yourself you are optional.
That moment broke me open.
Because it was never about underwear.
It was about the fact that I had stopped choosing myself altogether.
What Your Kids Actually Need
Your children do not need a perfect mother.
They need a present one.
A mother who knows her own voice.
A mother who remembers who she is.
A mother who lets herself find joy and rest and desire and purpose beyond the walls of her home.
A mother who takes care of herself not as a luxury but as a responsibility.
A mother who models what self respect looks like.
A mother who shows them what it means to remain fully human while caring for others.
You do not teach boundaries by abandoning your own.
You do not teach self worth by demonstrating your lack of it.
You do not teach presence by disappearing.
You do not become a better mother by becoming less of yourself.
You become a better mother by becoming more of yourself.
A New Model for Motherhood
Reclaiming yourself in motherhood is not about balance.
Balance is a trap that implies perfection.
Instead, it is about energetic integrity.
Meaning your decisions reflect your humanity, not your exhaustion.
Meaning your identity stays intact even when your roles shift.
Meaning you show up as a woman with a life, not a shadow with a checklist.
This is the model our daughters and sons deserve to see.
Micro Practices to Return to Yourself Today
If reclaiming yourself feels big, heavy, or impossible today, start small. Start with something that doesn’t demand performance, just presence.
- Remember one thing about who you were before you started disappearing
A hobby, a desire, a spark, a personality trait you haven’t felt in a while.
Let your mind go there without guilt. - Notice the moment you disappear today
Do not judge yourself. Just notice.
Awareness is what brings you back into your own story. - Ask yourself one grounding question:
What would feel like a small return to myself right now?
A breath?
A boundary?
A bite of joy?
A moment of quiet?
Smallness is how disappearing begins.
Small steps are also how you return.
You Are Not Meant to Vanish
You do not have to disappear to be a good mother.
Your presence is the point.
Your becoming is part of the legacy your children inherit.
Your aliveness is the gift they learn from.
Motherhood is not the story of losing yourself.
It is the story of remembering yourself again and again.
Your presence matters.
The world needs you fully here.
